April 29, 2009

Reasons to Stay Fat

1.  It's way easier to shave my big round knees.

2.  My wrinkles are nonexistent.  I am plump and YOUNG, bitches.

3.  Stretchy clothes are comfortable.

4.  It feels good to be lazy and park it on the sofa to watch The Biggest Loser.

5.  I don't need a lap - I don't have kids or anything and my dogs are small.

6.  god made Spanx.


Reasons to NOT be Fat

1.  I'd much rather have sex when I'm skinny and no one will be crushed underneath me.

2.  People actually get to SEE my shaved knees, even with scabs, because I will wear hot little skirts.

3.  My $500 over-the-knee boots will fit again.

4.  I like having a JAWLINE.

5.  People confuse me with Angelina Jolie.

6.  Eleventy billion other reasons!!   I am ready to be SKINNY AGAIN.  OHMYGOD.  TAKE AWAY THE FAT ALREADY!   I HATE THIS WAITING GAME!!! 

2 comments:

Jennifer Fabulous said...

This is hilarious and so freaking true. Love it.

Angie Muresan said...

hahahaha... good god girl!!! where do you find these pictures?