March 21, 2009

In re. JJ v. Boobs

I hate my boobs.  I love my boobs.

I don't not want them.  They are great sometimes - like in a really low cut dress.  They can pretty much stop traffic some nights.
But they drive me nuts.

I am already, officially, even in Banana Republic sizes, NOT SMALL.  But things that should fit *do not fit* and it's mostly because of the jugs (I have to give the backfat a little love here too.) 

woe woe woe.  Big boobs is such a problem, yes?  Dolly Parton.  Pam Anderson.  Holly Madison.  I mean, clearly my career success is based on my boobs.  But what a pain they are.

On the flip side, when I am skinny the boobs DEFLATE - like into a puddle of skin, like pick them up as you would a kitten, by the scruff of the neck.  

As I have been losing my weight again (what?  doesn't everyone gain 40 pounds each fall?) I am watching the girls slowly slide away, towards the ground.


March 15, 2009

My new diet

Drink so much vodka Saturday night that I am sick for at least a week.  Voila.  Insta-thin.