January 5, 2009

I forgot about those fucking calorie thingies

It's a tragic day.  I finally weighed myself.  

After literally two months of eating and eating and bingeing and starting over and bingeing and "not caring" and desperately wishing I was already thin, I finally weighed today and it's Not Pretty.  I didn't gain my entire 30 pounds back - only 24.  FUCK!

I went onto Fitday and pumped in yesterday's calories and they were a whopping 3000ish.  what the hell?  
I was shocked to learn that my brie snack was 500 calories! FIVE HUNDRED!  what?  
And that's when I realized that most people actually watch calories.  They "watch what they eat" in terms of calories, not like me, watching chunk after chunk of brie slide down the gullet.  damn.

Last night I pulled out photos of myself from 2004 when I was skinny and my Gwyneth jeans hung off me.  I made my man look at them with me and tell me each time how smokin' hot I was.  After my trip down memory lane and the weigh-in this morning, I was more motivated than I have been in MONTHS.  I ate a 200 calorie breakfast and just now had a grapefruit for a snack.  I *know* how to do this, I've just chosen not to in the past.  I used all that nasty grubby food to make me feel better, entertain me, punish myself for eating, etc.  And now I'm not.  

And I swear to god, this is not a resolution thing.  I haven't even told my man that I'm more motivated than ever because I don't want to set myself up for failure.  I'm just *actually* doing better.

Yes, I'm craving butterscotch chips right now (which is bizarre and maybe I am pregnant or something) but I don't need to eat them.

This summer we are going to whatever hot club your iphone points us to and we're picking up guys.  

10 comments:

Decorno said...

Ok, sure. But first my iPhone has to quite telling me I am obese. Fucking iPhone fitness apps. Motherfuckers.

Say it with me now:
Tracy Anderson. 400 calories a day. That's all we have to do, right?

michelle said...

sometimes butterscotch chips are all you got baby...baking supplies are fair game!

Lauren said...

just found your blog through decorno & love it. my best friend has a blog dontcallmefatbitch that she writes with her identical twin. she's just starting out but i'll send her over- she'll love yours.

Mint Julep said...

welcome back. i feel your pain. i'm just wearing skirts now since they don't have to wrap around my thighs. all i've eaten today is an apple. who thinks i can make it to 5pm?

JJ said...

ok, I will admit that I did take a little dip into those butterscotch chips. But I've also thrown the rest of the bag away instead of pretending that I was going to make fudge for someone (someone would have been ME).

I was one pound less this morning and I don't care why. I will take it.

anon said...

I'm with ya. Starting my cleanse tomorrow...the lemon/cayenne/syrup thing for three days...then doing the Protein diet (that always works for me). I need some moral support man!

fashion herald said...

am unable to fasten many jeans and pants after the holidays, during which my man and I looked at old photos of me when I was skinny without trying or appreciating it. Skinny really is wasted on the young.

v8_grrl said...

stupid grapefruit...I had one this morning too. If they would just make it taste like brie we would be fine.

I don't want to be skinny skinny...I just don't want my underwear to be so GD tight

I'm so glad you are back.
this blog is our fav!
Because we RELATE!!!

Cristina said...

that syrup-cayenne-whatever diet
has got to be one of the most disgusting things I've ever tasted. couldn't drink it. so in honor of my diet I had five pounds of salad from jimmy johns. very effective.

JJ said...

hey wait, what? Jimmy John's has salads? I've just been getting my sandwiches wrapped in lettuce.

Unfortunately, I've just decided that JJ's freaks me out. There are no less than 10 people building my BLT on a sandwich line built for 3. And I swear the dirtier ones there want to touch me.