November 1, 2008

Here's how to help your self esteem barely limp along.

Decide that it's a good idea to have a lazy morning on the couch where you're wearing crunchy and stinky 3-day-old yoga pants and a hoodie with dog hair all over you, with mascara smeared on your face because you were too lazy to wash last night before bed. Add to this your paunchy gut that you are filling with vats of coffee. Then watch The Hills. Decide that at 31 you want to watch these vapid, tan, lithe young things flit around LA wearing adorable little barely-there tunics and lip gloss.

I feel great.


JJ said...

Also good: wear XXL pajama pants on the sofa with a pizza in front of you and read Nylon magazine. I hate them, I hate their target audience and I hate myself for getting the free subscription from Urban Outfitter. What was I doing???

I had a moment during that magazine last night where I realized that now, moments before I turn 35, I am never going to be that young Serene Van der Woodsen who is popping into the cool club and turning heads. I think I hit my peak and thinnest at 33 when I was at Crocodile in motorcycle boots, short skirts and tits on display.

I have to stop looking back. It's killing me.

Now you see why I need a Rolex. Only a Rolex is going to fix this. (I don't even wear a watch.)

Scandalous Housewife said...

How about adding to that the fact those bitches get paid $30,000+ an episode for laying around tanning, drinking and partying with their friends. Feeling better?
Try wine. Lots of it.

twelvekindsofcrazy said...

i keep clicking but no new post. the picture makes me angrier everytime i see it.
sigh. anyway. i have a diet i thought u might be interested in, have shared with jozette.
coffee and a smoke for breakfast.
anything you want for lunch, but no dessert.
chocolate milk and tums for dinner.
i lost all my baby weight like this. as well as ten years off my expected life span but who cares? i am back in my SIZE ZEROS.

Kwana said...

It's much better when you're 39. Only a minute till 40.