July 15, 2008

A heartfelt FUCK YOU to all the people who bring cake to work and leave it in the office kitchen.


Thanks. I was trying to get back on track, and I was dying to eat some crappy food from, say, Starbucks, land of the 500 calorie cookie, but NO. I showed a rare bit of self control, high-tailed it to the office kitchen to drink another exciting cup of coffee and I see your fucking half-eaten cake just sitting undefended on the table.

Well, guess what? FUCK YOU. Fuck you and your cake. Seriously.

I didn't eat the cake, for the record. I stayed strong while thinking, "Fuck you, cake."

Oh, and guess what else? Fuck cakes like this one. Fuck that cheesy circa 2001 fondant-coated-topsy-turvy cake bullshit. Fuck you, crazy cakes.

9 comments:

champagneblonde said...

AHHHHHHHH! You're back! Yes! FUCK the cake bringers!

Mint Julep said...

Welcome back!
I need some of that cake.
Now!

And about the diet pills, to your other readers, my doctor (aka nurse practioner) gives me phentermine when I ask and it only works for about a week, then your body just gets immune to it. I just take it after a serious weekend binge. Sadly, JJ's way is the only way--self-control.

jozette said...

oh thank goodness you're back!!!

i'd also like to extend that fuck you to the random vendors who send boxes of chocolates for holidays. at work, we get a million of them. and they taunt me. so fuck them too.

JJ said...

Yes! Fuck the "Thank you for working this weekend" donuts and fuck the "thank you for your hard work" cookies. You know what I like as a thank you for all my work? MONIES. Monies and TIME OFF.

decorno said...

YES. FUCK YES. Money, bitches.

Testify, JJ. Amen.

fashion herald said...

yeah, you're back! and screw halloween candy and the people with kids who bring it into the office for THE REST OF THE YEAR. what's up with that?

jozette said...

oh, also, i forgot...

FUCK GIRL SCOUTS AND THEIR STUPID COOKIES.

Sorry, was that too far?

Prima Donna Momma said...

lmfao! ajhsjhdjshd

JuliaHefner said...

Wow. I laughed out loud at all of your posts... But this one especially. You're fabulous <3