July 30, 2008

That venti latte looks great with your venti ass.

20 ounces??? Are people serious?

First, unless it's booze, why bother drinking your calories.

Second, that much milk is sick. Totally sick. It will fuck up your body and it's just a waste of calories.

Lattes are gross. Stop drinking them immediately. (Same for mochas and every other deviant form of steamed milk concoction.)

July 29, 2008

Day 16: This shit continues to be easy.

Day 13 and 14 I had a bit of a slip. I got inexplicably sick and kind of projectile vomited. I ended up having a bunch of chips at a Mexican place. I needed to settle the stomach, people. And following day, I had some popcorn. BUT, still no sugar (as far as I know... who knows what was lurking in the chips).

Anyhoo, it's easy. It's inertia, you know. Bodies in motion tend to stay in motion, and this is what habits are like. This is simply my new habit of not eating crap.

I have lost only six pounds, though. I might need to add some exercise, or better yet, cut my portions down a bit. And maybe, give up the beloved wine and vodka.

July 19, 2008

Day 6. This shit is easy.


What I like about JJ is when she gets on a roll with her whole strict eating thing, she hits this weird zen paleau where she's like, "This shit is easy."

Well, I have finally - after probably 3 years of thinking I am actually going to drop a few lbs - hit at point.

This shit is easy.

It's so hard to kick sugar. For me anyway. I am like a crack addict when it comes to sugar. But once it's out of your system for a while, it's like total freedom. No joke.

I sometimes get really, really, really hungry. But then inxplicable, I want like half an avocado or something. Not Ho Hos. This is progress, people.

July 18, 2008

my secret weapon

This is my go-to meal: cooked pepperonis. 




















So, it's not organic and all natural but after a hard day of ruining lives as an attorney I don't want to COOK a damn thing because all I want to do is evaporate.  But since I have to eat I throw pepperonis on a paper towel and microwave them until they are crispy like chips.  I weigh out 2 oz of them (which ends up being a ton of food) and sprinkle some red sauce and 1 oz of cheese (then reheat). 

I also add a salad or cooked veggies to my meal and call it a day.

July 17, 2008

Day 3, no sugar.

So, yeah. Fell off wagon, now back on. This time for realz, yo.

I feel so lightheaded that I don't even feel hungry. Yay! Hardly eating any food does a body good.

Concentration way up. I do like that side effect of the no-sugar game.

I am hoping for that other side effect, though: the one where I can shimmy my ass back into my "skinny" jeans. I say 2.5 months, tops.

July 16, 2008

This 62 year old is way hotter than me.



Helen Mirren, go to hell.

I mean, way to rock that bikini.

July 15, 2008

A heartfelt FUCK YOU to all the people who bring cake to work and leave it in the office kitchen.


Thanks. I was trying to get back on track, and I was dying to eat some crappy food from, say, Starbucks, land of the 500 calorie cookie, but NO. I showed a rare bit of self control, high-tailed it to the office kitchen to drink another exciting cup of coffee and I see your fucking half-eaten cake just sitting undefended on the table.

Well, guess what? FUCK YOU. Fuck you and your cake. Seriously.

I didn't eat the cake, for the record. I stayed strong while thinking, "Fuck you, cake."

Oh, and guess what else? Fuck cakes like this one. Fuck that cheesy circa 2001 fondant-coated-topsy-turvy cake bullshit. Fuck you, crazy cakes.