May 25, 2008

Size small coffin, please


I am little bit concerned about my Splenda consumption. See this photo? This was dinner.
Am I so concerned to actually stop eating so much Splenda? no.

And do you really think aspartame is really going to cause my brain to swiss-cheese?
I am definitely dumber now that I drink gallons of diet soda each day but I don't think I'm any dumber than I would have been anyway thanks to all the vodka and loud music.

What I LOVE is when someone carrying her third can of Red Bull for the day tells me how bad Diet Coke is for me. "That shit will kill you," she says. Really, Ms. Taurine America?
~
When are you going to Pilates?

May 21, 2008

Fright Night

You know how I've lost thousands of pounds recently? I have thousands more to lose. And I'm very concerned I am going to look like this:

























And yet I am still not afraid of looking like this:

Did someone doctor this photo? Didn't that stomach used to have a few extra rolls of loose skin?

May 15, 2008

I'm back!

Visiting my family is beyond awesome! You know how much I love it there. You know how loving and sensitive they are. You know that this shit sends me straight into the peanut butter cup cycle of doom.

I came out of this experience THINNER.


THEIR FOOD:






























MY FOOD:























THEIR DESSERT:
















MY DESSERT:













I lost 2.5 pounds.

And I fully expect to be rocking this look in Uruguay 2009:

May 12, 2008

JJ... I have never had this ass in my whole life.



And I want it. Because I want to go back to Uruguay in January with that sweet ass.

May 3, 2008

I should note:


I wrote this to JJ on Friday:

I ate a chocolate croissant this morning, which is bad enough. After I took my first bite, I realized the chocolate chips they use to make the tasty chocolate filling had not melted down, so it truly looked like a bunch of rabbit poop stored away inside the safe pillow of flaky pastry.

And yet still, I ate it.

Ugh.

-D


I am glad that when JJ hears from me, she thinks of morbidly obese women. See below.

I still love you JJ, even though I think you are telling me I am 3 croissants away from being morbidly obese.

Butter + flour + magic + lard + chicken fat + crisco = croissant

No Croissants.
Exhibit A: Thursday a very obese woman* sat down next to me at the office cafe with a large croissant and a large stick of butter. She proceeded to rip the croissant in half (top from bottom)and attempted to smear cold, hard butter inside the criossant. After she spread a thick layer of butter into the already buttery croissant she smooshed the top back on the thing and ate it like a hamburger. Cold, oily croissant with an inch of cold butter. I vomited.

Exhibit B: Friday I was getting 2 eggs in the cafe and another very very obese woman sauntered in and ordered her usual, a croissant with sausage, eggs and cheese. The chef whipped up her death sandwich and I watched her waddle away with a deflated croissant drowning in fat. My stomach flipped not just from disgust but from feeling sad for the lady.
Exhibit C: Someone I love dearly recently wrote me that she had a not-for-the-better life changing experience with a chocolate chip croissant,

"After I took my first bite, I realized the chocolate chips they use to make the tasty chocolate filling had not melted down, so it truly looked like a bunch of rabbit poop stored away inside the safe pillow of flaky pastry. "

Do you see what's going on here?
Croissants are just another way the terrorists are winning.
This country is going to pot, one thousand croissant calories at a time.

Kirstie on the left: no croissants
Kirstie on the right: croissants between meals




*I have street cred on the obese thing. So stop before you start.