April 27, 2008

False starts.


This is how last night went for me:

The Man: Do you want to get Madame K's pizza, or maybe make that marinated steak stuff that we like?
Me: No, both are not really the kind of thing I need to be eating these days.

So we go to the store to buy some kind of healthy dinner and this is what we find at the store:

Whole crabs
Butter
Bigass loaf of French bread with butter and garlic
A WHOLE FUCKING PIE
Ice cream to go with pie
An orange for my Lillet

There you go. Healthy fucking meal.

Presently my urine smells like I live at the Monterey Aquarium, and I feel like the whale that escaped from it.

Might be time to tell Jon, "You know all those other I'm-Gonna-Eat-Better false starts? You gotta help me here, man."




Gratuitous photo of the Patron Saint of Hotness

13 comments:

jozette said...

I got on an I'm-gonna-eat-healthy kick just the other day. Actually, it was an, I'm-gonna-try hard-not-to-eat-at-all kick. Yesterday I had:
-Cereal
-Tomato soup w/ 1,000 mini saltines
-Pirogies
-Sushi, miso soup, 567 of those greasy, crispy fried Chinese noodle things dunked in duck sauce
-Frozen waffles coated in I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and maple syrup (at 11pm)

I'm going to try harder today. Damn you hunger.

PS - Why is A.J. so hot?

JJ said...

I think AJ is actually a lusty robot engineered to torture Jenny Aniston.

Jozette, it looks like you started out good (cereal) and ended good (I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.)

You need to spend all the time in between shopping. Seriously, when I was SKINNY (I mean, notably skinny) I would spend ALL DAY shopping and then come home at night to eat popcorn.

And when I was my skinniest, I was getting divorced. So, instead of shopping you could get divorced.

I'm just saying that you have alternatives.

Richie Designs said...

so I have a food recommend for you all if hunger is an issue. my very healthy boyfriend who is sugar sensitive turned me on to it. It tricks you into thinking you are having a treat but it really shuts up the "hunger pangs" good!

go to the vitamin store and ask for Myoplex Lite made by a company called EAS.

they are these protein shakes [available pre-mixed or in little powder packs]

they have 25g of protein, 1 g of sugar, and 180 calories but have flavors such as peanut butter chocolate, dark chocolate, mint chocolate.

make sure to buy a mixer container. use with water and a few ice cubes and shake it up till cubes partly melt.

It's like a little chocolate milkshake for your treat needs. Keeps me really full. I generally have one for breakfast and about 3pm when I want to consume the entire container of mini chocolate bars at the office.

Sadly it doesn't pry the loaf of bread and butter from your hands at dinner but it does help me not consume so much at dinner.

Richie Designs said...

I should mention...I'm not skinny size 8 but always looking for good tricks - because given the option peanut M&M's would be my main food source.

jozette said...

hahah. yes. i am getting divorced, as a matter of fact. the divorce diet helped in the beginning, but i slipped up and started eating again. i gotta get outta that nasty habit.

mamacita said...

Dear friends,

I second the protein shake recommendation. I also put a banana and sometimes a smidgen of peanut butter in mine.

Love,
She-who-ate-fried-seafood-all-weekend
and-has-no-business-giving-diet-advice

JJ said...

I love the idea of a peanut butter shake. My only concern is that just the scent of peanut butter (the nerdy relative of the cheerleader peanut butter cup) will send me into an all out binge. Not kidding.

For now I am just going to have to spend my hunger praying to the baby Jesus or something.

none said...

what kind of pie?

Decorno said...

Blackberry. So good.

none said...

Then you had no choice.

decorno said...

Exactly. Thank you for understanding.

Annie said...

I was going to comment but now I'm too hungry.....

Meg said...

It happens. If it makes you feel better, last year, in the midst of an "I'm going to lose those last damn 5 pounds and be healthier than hell" bender of austere eating, I stared at the cookies at Whole Foods like it was porn, and then, with tremendous willpower, turned away bought sushi, because it was the healthier choice.

And I got food poisoning.

Lesson learned: sometimes you should eat what you want. Also, never EVEREVER buy grocery store sushi.

And really, pie? Pie is good. Even the most austere diet should find a way to include pie.