April 23, 2008

Bring it, yogi!

I have a lot of good ideas about how to lose weight fast:

1. cut off my hair

2. cut off my arm

3. sweat a lot.

Tonight, for the first time in the history of time, I went to Bikram yoga.

Let me tell you, sister, it was goddamn HOT in there.

And did you know it's not all peaceful and deep breathing and shit? The teacher was sitting in a chair off to the side barking commands at us in one of these air conditoner necklaces I AM SURE

Have I mentioned that it was goddamn hot in there? And that I was sweating like a fat man?(like a man FATTER than I currently am.)

Tomorrow I will be 15 pounds thinner. I guarantee it.

I signed up for 3 more classes.


Decorno said...

I hate you because you have already lost 1 pounds. Tracy brought me a CAKE today.

I know she's all like "Hey we're friends happy birthday now eat this and get fatter bitch!"

So, you amputate an arm and all your luscious 8 pounds of PERFECT hair and lost 16 pounds of fat on top of that, and I eat cake for all 3 meals today and gain like 6 pounds.

I want to support you and all, but I am a girl which mean, secretly, I hate you.

(not really, but it's fun to say)

Maison Luxe said...

The first time I went to Bikhram yoga I nearly passed out, it was so hot! Seriously, I was seeing spots and had to sneak out of the room while my face turned magenta. embarrasing, no? I feel your pain.

I think we could start a daily food diary, that would keep us all in line for the upcoming bikini season. I'll start.


breakfast: 1 bottle grape vitamin water, handfull of chocolate covered dried cherries plucked from my faux trailmix, consumed while driving at high speed to work.

lunch: who eats lunch? one large coffee, please. consumed while "be right back" sign hangs on the door at my shop.

dinner: 1 box trader joes mac n' cheese, sparkly water. consumed while sitting on sofa, reading the new Restoration Hardware catalog...thinking, why do they knock off Holly Hunt so often? hhmm..

late night snack: chocolate cupcake with coconut icing from Cupcake Royale. consumed while standing in kitchen, dog is begging and feigning starvation and imminent death if cupcake is not shared. i share.

I want to go throw up now after writing that, GROSS! No wonder I have a headache. ugh.

Jessie said...

Don't you HATE that!?

This girl in my office is all, "Here! I'm putting this huge bowl of candy on the desk that we share because I'm a really nice person and because I secretly hope you blow up like a balloon".

Sabotage, I tell you.

JJ said...

Maison, you are on the right track. I saw that you shared your cupcake, thereby reducing your daily caloric intake by half. Good Job.

I have a retribution plan for Tracy. We're going to get her drunk on sugary margaritas and then take her to Taco Bell/Pizza Hut and feed her 5 bean burritos AND a personal pan pizza.

none said...

Maison Luxe:

Please find someone else to share chocolate with. Chocolate is toxic to dogs.

Maison Luxe said...

Dear none, umm...I know chocolate is toxic to dogs, however frosting is not and that's all she got. So there.

kristinimartini said...

maison luxe: hi! bring your beau to visit me @ work and i'll feed you, him and (non chocolate) goods for the zoe--oh and it won't count because i'll pour you delicious wine. why doesn't it count? because alcohol dissolves fat! (or @ least that's what i tell myself--which only works when i haven't eaten and will believe anything...) kristinimartini=sea breeze, but not the kind you drink;)

kristinimartini said...

is it rude to try to carry on a convo w/ someone thru someone else 's blog?
i work @ a place where there are always"trimmings" leftovers, and i-had-to-use-the-leftover-egg-whites to make macaroons, and the what-do-you-think-of-this, and the just flat out i-made-cookies-who- wants-some . seems logical to start magical thinking of fat burning wine....

v8_grrl said...

ok...us two girls on my side are the same two girls on your side...How flippin strange. Go look at our blog..hahaha...i just wrote about Bikrim...Synda is an instructor...hahahaha ( ok, one of the differences between you two and us...we were cursed...i mean blessed with kids)

ps we added you to our blog sites to see.
we love you!